Get all 10 Jeff and Maya Bohnhoff releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Labyrinth, In the Deep Luna Sea, Schrödinger's Hairball, I Remember the Rain (Remixed), Grated Hits, Mobius Street, Aliens Ate My Homework, Manhattan Sleeps, and 2 more.
1. |
Ham and Green Eggs
03:43
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Not in a car with a fox
Not with a mouse in a box
Screw my brain till it hurts
I've told you I won't eat them, still you won't go.
Misguided young fool
Like a pigheaded mule.
With your strangely colored cuisine
You're a tool on a one track mission.
Ham and green eggs
Like burning in my heart.
Ham and green eggs
You serve them alá carte, alone.
Give me... Pad Thai...
Crisp bacon... home fries...
You're just a pain Sam-I-Am
Have you made a new plan to entice me,
It's too spicy.
Why can't I just have some apple pie?
Don't feel good, are you satisfied?
Will you serve them sunny-side? (Don't think you should)
Is your hearing alright?
I won't eat them at night.
I don't feel good - Feel good!
You think I might eat them at noon,
Not in a hot air balloon,
Don't give me green eggs and ham,
You're just an under-grown fur ball.
Don't say open wide.
It's like a disease,
Your green eggs do not please.
Put that platter where your mouth is Mr. Know all,
Was the goat in the car part of the deal? (park!)
Ham and green eggs
Burning in my heart
Ham and green eggs
You serve them alá carte, alone.
(You never could, right from the start).
Insane... It's been a wild ride,
You're a little rat and now you've finally worn down my pride
If I give them a try
Will you just let it lie?
Aren't they real good?
They're real good!
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2. |
Light Up the Gloom
03:35
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This Hellmouth cuts through my little town
Somehow that always just made me feel down
I can spend a free night at the Bronze
And let down my guard
Late at night when the haunts walk school halls
There's this girl in the midst of it all
It's erupting while everyone sleeps
To blight this whole town
The question I have for you
Why won't somebody get a clue?
Shed some light over everything
To light up the gloom
There are three geeks who cart strange machines
Four gentlemen who are stealing my screams
Vicious vampires and uncanny fires
To block my way home
There are outrages we just ignore
While the bodies are stacked up like boards
We are blind to the manifestations
Who bare their sharp teeth
The question I have for you
Why won't somebody get a clue?
Shed some light over everything
To light up the gloom, the gloom
This Hellmouth cuts through my little town
Somehow that always just made me feel down
I can spend a free night at the Bronze
And let down my guard
Let down my guard
Let down my guard
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3. |
Losing My Companion
04:27
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The box is bigger
It's bigger than you
Think on the inside.
The lengths that I will go to,
To witness your surprise.
I know I said, "come in."
So it begins.
That's me in the Tardis,
That's me in the time stream
Losing my companion.
Trying to keep up with you.
And I don't know if I can do it.
Oh no! I said "stay here."
What part wasn't clear?
I thought that I heard you calling,
I thought that I heard you scream.
I think you thought I'd save the day.
Every Dalek and every Cyberman
Is using your transgressions.
Trying to keep an eye on you.
Would it hurt if you once obeyed me?
I'm sure I said "stay there."
That's not a dare.
Consider this, consider this,
The hint of the century,
Consider this: the slip
That set the Master free,
Could have been avoided if
You'd listened to me
When I said "don't move."
I thought that I saw you nodding.
I thought that I heard you say,
"Yes, Doctor, I'll obey this time."
But that was just a dream,
That was just a dream.
That's me in the Tardis,
That's me in the time stream
Losing my companion.
Trying to keep up with you.
And I don't know if I can do it.
I'm sure I said, "stay here."
What part wasn't clear?
I thought that I saw you nodding,
I thought that I heard you say,
"Yes, Doctor, I'll obey this time."
But that was just a dream,
Why won't you try?
That was just a dream,
Just a dream,
Just a dream, dream.
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4. |
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Young driver, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
He thinks he’s so manly.
He’s cool as cool can be.
He’s got his dad’s Beamer;
He’s coming down this track.
He’s parking, he's so close now . . .
You climb out through the back.
Don’t park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Don't park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
At Costco, it’s pouring
The parking lot’s a zoo.
That Beamer makes you queasy—
It’s parked right next to you.
Vexation, frustration
New dents just make you cry.
Wet shopper, you’re waiting
Your car is warm and dry.
Don’t park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Don't park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Bad parking, car's crooked
To leave you try and try.
Strong words, softly muttered,
The aggravation's high.
It's no use, you're stuck there.
It really ticks you off.
Sometimes you just want to
Toss in a molotov.
Don’t park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Don't park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Don’t park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
Don't park, don't park so
Don't park so close to me
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5. |
Dairy Queen
02:58
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She keeps mocha et pecan in her soft-serve cabinet.
"Pack it in cones" she says,
Dripping on a serviette.
A slight pull on the leg for Atkins and Jenny Craig,
And anytime an invitation you can decline.
Chocolate sauce and luncheonettes, covered with Raisinettes,
Extraordinarily iced.
She's a dairy queen, strawberry gellatine,
Dynamite with a heavy cream.
Guaranteed to freeze your mind.
Recommended at the price.
Insatiable in appetite, wanna try?
To avoid complications
She never left a sticky mess.
In conversation she raved about her waffle press.
Mixed green tea from China with peach from Carolina,
Then again incidentally if you're that way inclined (she's a
dairy queen).
Truffles came naturally from Paris (naturally).
Mars Bars - she couldn't care less.
Fastidious with packed ice.
She's a dairy queen, strawberry gellatine,
Dynamite with a heavy cream.
Guaranteed to grow your thighs.
Wanna try?
Drop of a hat she starts chilling, gets playful with her mixing vat.
Then momentarily out of sprinkles,
Temporarily out of snacks,
The sugar-rush will drive you wild - wild.
She's out to get you.
She's a dairy queen, strawberry gellatine,
Dynamite with a heavy cream.
Guaranteed to grow your thighs.
Recommended at the price.
Insatiable in appetite wanna try?
Wanna try.
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6. |
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I want my, I want my, I want my MST
I want my, I want my, I want my MST
Now look at them robots that's the way you do it
You watch some movies on the MST
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Movies for nothing, yeah the flicks are free.
Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Now let me tell you them bots ain't dumb.
Maybe get an ulcer or a little headache.
Maybe get a blister on their bum.
We gotta send up some grade D movies.
Mind control experiments.
Every frame is endless torture.
Until their minds are twisted and bent.
See the little robot with the beak and the bubble.
Yeah buddy those are his own arms.
The little robot's gotta watch bad movies
'Til the little robot buys the farm.
We gotta send up some grade D movies.
Mind control experiments.
Every frame is endless torture.
Until their minds are twisted and bent.
As a scientist I didn't go far.
I should have learned to splice some genes
Now I'm stuck, spying through the Cambot
Sending films to make them scream.
Down here with my sidekicks
Bobo is no smarter than a chimpanzee.
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Movies for nothing, yeah the flicks are free.
We gotta send up some grade D movies.
Mind control experiments.
Every frame is endless torture.
Until their minds are twisted and bent.
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7. |
Rocket Raccoon
03:34
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Now somewhere in the bright sunlit streets of Prime Nova
There roamed a small thief named Rocket Raccoon
Who that day was looking for loot with a sentient tree
Fought a green girl sent from Kree
Rocket didn't like that she said "I'm gonna get that boy"
So he and Groot they trashed that town
Found a piece of hell in a Nova Corps cell
Rocket Raccoon, chucked into a room
Only to find four more A-holes.
Rocket had come equipped with a gun
A mutant with skills at the controls
Survival it seemed meant joining that team
Led on by an earthling so hard core.
His name was Pete Quill who thought he'd been used ill
'Cause nobody knew him as Star-Lord
"Ain't no one you see, like me except me"
Ronan was in for a showdown
Rocket burst in and grinning a grin
"Oh yeah, helmet boy, now you'll be blown down
But Ronan was hot, he withstood their best shot
And they all collapsed in the corner
Now old Groot drew them in, saved all their skins
And proceeded to blow into kindling
Altogether they grabbed the stone
And Rocket said, Drax we won't die alone
And we'll be better, we'll be better Drax, the stone's power is dwindling
And now Rocket Raccoon he fell back in his room
Glad they defeated their rival
Gamora checked out and she left it no doubt
To help with good old Groot's revival
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8. |
Salisbury Steak
04:22
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Looking at a Salisbury steak
Straight out of the microwave
Dark brown gravy, soggy lake
Time to eat, I must be brave
It was something to observe
Then up close, my mother's voice
Gagging, stretching every nerve
Had to eat it, had no choice
I don't read nutrition information
I just had to keep up mastication
My gut going boom boom boom
"Son," she said "Clean your plate,
I've made it fresh at home."
To eat in silence I resigned
But I would dream of Pizza Hut
Pepto-Bismol my lifeline
Bathroom door would soon be shut
Chopped and formed from mystery meat
Mom's cuisine was in a rut
Often dreamed of things I'd eat
A nice selection of cold cuts
I would seek the school cafeteria
And hope the food would be superior
My gut going boom boom boom
"Here" they said "Salisbury steak,
Just like Mom makes at home."
(Back home.)
Indigestion spin her net
I really hate this sludgy paste
I'll hide it in my serviette
I won't eat this toxic waste
Sneak what snacks that I can get
I hold my breath but still can taste
No one taught me etiquette
I will find another place
Today I will eat in a restaurant
I'll sample all the bright flavors piquant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Mom" I said "You can keep the plate,
I don't have to eat at home."
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9. |
GFFA
04:43
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Jedi, there's a kink in the Force.
I said, Jedi, when you learn your true source.
I said, Jedi, 'cause your ship is off course
There's no need to be unhappy.
Jedi , a Sith's waiting for you.
I said, Jedi, if his words are all true.
You can face him, and I'm sure you will find
A good way to save him in time.
It's fun to live in the G-F-F-A
It's a galaxy far far away
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the droids ...
It's fun to live in the G-F-F-A
It's a galaxy far far away
You can leave Tatooine, you can set a new course
You can learn the ways of the Force...
Princess, always quick with a taunt.
I said, Princess, your words don't seem to daunt.
I said, Princess, you can get what you want.
But you've got to know this one thing!
No need to be all by yourself.
I said, Princess, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the G-F-F-A.
I'm sure you can find love today.
It's fun to live in the G-F-F-A
It's a galaxy far far away
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the droids ...
It's fun to live in the G-F-F-A
It's a galaxy far far away
You can leave Hoth behind, you can learn your true mind,
You'll defeat the Empire this time ...
Young girl, I was once in your robes.
I said, I was down and out on this globe.
I felt no man cared if I were alive.
I felt the galaxy was so jive ...
That's when someone came up to me,
And said, young man, gotta leave Mos Eisley
It's a place there called the G.F.F.A.
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to live in the G-F-F-A
It's a galaxy far far away
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the droids...
GFFA
Fighting evil in the G-F-F-A
Young man, young man there's no need to feel down
Young man, young man pick yourself off the ground
G-F-F-A
Then just go to the G-F-F-A
Young man, young man I was once in your robes
Young man, young man I said, I was down and out on this globe.
G-F-F-A
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10. |
You're My Author
02:48
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Oo, please let me live.
Whatever this plot can do to me,
It’s you, the Power That Be
Oo, please let me live now, Georgie. Oo, please let me live.
Oh, you’re the best friend that I ever had.
You’ve written me such a long time.
You’re my author.
You can deal me a blow, but I’d beg you not to.
I really love you.
Oh, you’re my best friend.
Oo, please let me live.
I am Westeros bound and I’ll take flak for you.
Some pain is fine.
And if I don’t get the girl,
I’m happy alone.
You’re my best friend.
Oo, please let me live.
You don’t need to be cruel to me.
If you are, I can forgive.
Oo, please let me live now, Georgie.
Oo, please let me live.
You’re at fault, man, when things turn out bad.
I know Ned Stark’s not the only
Not the only one you put through the wring.
But I really love the things that you do.
You’re my best friend.
Oo, please let me live.
I’m happy, happy alive.
Be my best friend.
Be my best friend.
Oo, you let me live!
You, you’re my best friend.
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11. |
The Counselor
05:35
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It's nine o'clock on the Enterprise
The Ten-Forward crowd shuffles in
There's an old flame sitting next to me
Coming on with his impudent grin
He says, "Troi, can you sense this old memory
Our relationship seems kind of weird
But it's sad and it's sweet when you said 'Imzadi'
Now I wear an older man's beard."
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Make us feel good, you're the Counselor
Make us feel good tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some empathy
And you've got us feelin' alright
Now Reg at the bar is a friend of mine
Though we didn't start out that way
He once made me his pet on the holodeck
Cause that's the place he'd rather play
He says, "Troi I believe this is killing me."
As the smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be an engineer
If I could stay out of that place"
Oh La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
My Mom is a Betazoid extrovert
Who wants to be somebody's wife
And she's pining for Jean-Luc, who's reading an old book
But should probably run for his life
And the Klingon is practicing politics
As his family name gets attoned
Now he's raising a son and he hasn't a clue
But it's better than livin' alone
Make us feel good, you're the Counselor
Make us feel good tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some empathy
And you've got us feelin' alright
It's a pretty good crowd on the bridge tonight
And the android he gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they'll be comin' to see
With problems he won't have to compile
And the emotions sound like a carnival
Like a monotone buzz in my ear
And I sit in this chair shake my long curly hair
And think, "Man, what am I doin' here?"
Oh La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Make us feel good, you're the Counselor
Make us feel good tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some empathy
And you've got us feelin' alright
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12. |
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Slow down, you eat too fast
You gotta make that popcorn last
Just chilling' down at the cineplex
Lookin' for fun at
B-grade movies
B-grade movies
Hello monster
What's that growin'?
I've come to watch your red eyes glowin'
Ain'tcha got no slime for me?
Scooby Doo Doo,
B-grade movies
B-grade movies
Got no plot, no clue
No characters too deep
The FX were lousy, the tickets were cheap
Let the cheesiness wrap all its wonders round me...
Roger Corman....
B-grade movies
B-grade movies
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13. |
Get Off of My Lawn
02:58
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I live in a big house
With the most well kept yard of my block
And I sit at home lookin' out the window
Wishin' those kids would stop
Then in flies a ball
It's come flying off some punk's baseball bat
And rolls into my yard
Yeah it really knocked my begonias flat.
I said, "Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Don't hang around just move along
From my lawn baby"
My Bermuda shorts are stylin'
With my black laced shoes, white socks, it's not a fashion crime.
A golf cap on my head, polo shirt
Well, I guess I'm lookin' fine.
It's three p.m., there's too much noise
Won't you damn kids ever let me take a nap?
'Cause you want to play
Do you have to make me take all this crap?
I said, "Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Don't hang around just move along
From my lawn baby"
I was sick and tired, fed up with this
And decided to take a drive downtown
To get the early bird meal special
With all my buddies, not a kid around
I drove myself home
I was so tired and I started to dream
In the mornin' the bicycle tires had furrowed my yard
I just had to scream
I said, "Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Don't hang around just move along
From my lawn"
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Hey, you, get off of my lawn
Don't hang around baby just move along
From my lawn"
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14. |
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We'll be fighting in the aisles
For the format of our files.
And the OS we were using will be gone.
While the man who spurred us on
Delays our upgrades for so long.
He decides and our systems sing the song.
Press any key for the MS solution.
Click my mouse for the new revolution.
Smile and grin at the changes all around.
Will I have enough RAM today,
To boot up Plug & Play?
Better get on my knees and pray -
We don't get fooled again.
The new OS came today -
It promised us a better way.
We were liberated from 640k.
But my resources are drained.
And my disk access is lame.
They used the banners from the last market campaign.
Press any key for the MS solution.
Click my mouse for the new revolution.
Smile and grin at the changes all around.
Will I have enough RAM today,
To boot up Plug & Play?
Better get on my knees and pray -
We don't get fooled again.
I move my cards and my data aside
If they happen to be left half alive.
I load all my drivers and I pray to the sky,
Because I know the monopolized never die.
There's nothing on the screen
Looks any different to me.
All the icons are erased by and by.
And the close box on the left,
Is now the close box on the right.
And the page fault errors still rule the night.
Press any key for the MS solution.
Click my mouse for the new revolution.
Smile and grin at the changes all around.
Will I have enough RAM today,
To boot up Plug & Play?
Better get on my knees and pray -
We don't get fooled again.
Meet the new DOS.
Same as the old DOS....
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Jeff and Maya Bohnhoff San Jose, California
Jeff and Maya have an identity crisis. Their music is sometimes uproariously funny parody (like their spot-on "Bohemian Rhapsody" parody "Midichlorian Rhapsody", or hauntingly beautiful, like "Road to Jerusalem" or "Manhattan Sleeps". One way or another, their music will create strong emotions. Jeff and Maya have been creating music together since 1979, and plan to continue for some time to come. ... more
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