Aliens Ate My Homework

by Jeff and Maya Bohnhoff

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about

Another hilarious parodic nerdfest (where do they come up with these words?) from Jeff and Maya. The opening track "Carry-Ons" dealt with the airlines before anyone's guitar got broken, and just about every media franchise from Buffy to Doctor Who gets the special treatment that Jeff and Maya are known for.

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released March 15, 2004

Produced and engineered by Jeff Bohnhoff at Mystic Fig Studio.

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about

Jeff and Maya Bohnhoff San Jose, California

Jeff and Maya have an identity crisis. Their music is sometimes uproariously funny parody (like their spot-on "Bohemian Rhapsody" parody "Midichlorian Rhapsody", or hauntingly beautiful, like "Road to Jerusalem" or "Manhattan Sleeps". One way or another, their music will create strong emotions. Jeff and Maya have been creating music together since 1979, and plan to continue for some time to come. ... more

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Track Name: Carry-Ons
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Before the drunks and creeps destroyed the illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But there are no friendly skies

The seatbelt sign is lit; they still act like blind men
They drink like fish and they act just like madmen
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

Those carry-ons must weigh a ton
Each passenger's allowed just one
So give my weary arms some rest
Now don't you fly no more

Masquerading, I show life vest inflation
The charade of the safety demonstration
And if you were to pay attention
What I'd do I just don't know

Serving snacks in skies of turbulent motion
Of my blistered feet you have no real notion
As we fly a holding pattern
I can the voices say

Those carry-ons must weigh a ton
Each passenger's allowed just one
So give my weary arms some rest
Now don't you fly no more

Carry-ons must pass through detectors
Carry-ons must be searched by inspectors
The lavatory's never empty
Surely air rage waits for you

Those carry-ons must weigh a ton
Each passenger's allowed just one
So give my weary arms some rest
Now don't you fly no more
Track Name: We Are The Cubs Fans
©2003 Jeff Bohnhoff

We’ve paid our dues
Since 1908.
Some say we’re cursed -
Yeah we carry some freight.
And double plays,
We’ve made a few.
We’ve had our share of close plays at the plate,
But we always lose.
And the losing goes on and on and on and on.

We are the Cubs fans my friend.
We’ll keep on cheering to the end.
We are the Cubs fans.
We are the Cubs fans.
Lovable losers -
Will we ever be the champions of the world?

We’ve taken some blows.
Like Ruth’s home run call.
The incident in ’45
With the Sianis billygoat.
And that’s not all.
There’s the fan interference in 2003.
Even when we win the challenge of the season pennant race
We end up on our knees.
And the torture goes on and on and on and on.

We are the Cubs fans my friend.
We’ll keep on groaning to the end.
We are the Cubs fans.
We are the Cubs fans.
Lovable losers -
Will we ever be the champions of the world?

We are the Cubs fans my friend.
We’ll keep on cheering to the end.
We are the Cubs fans.
We are the Cubs fans.
Look at the Red Sox -
Will we ever be the champions of the world?
Track Name: Every Mouse Just Wants to Rule the World
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Welcome to our lab.
Our genes have been enhanced.
Even while you sleep -
You will find my
Brain defies all nomenclature.
I have no debt to mother nature.
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.

It's my own device -
It's fiendish but of course.
But all you say is "Narf!"
Help me make the most of
Ambition without quandaries.
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.

At Acme Labs where the night will find me.
When my plans come tumbling down.
When they do I'll just start over.
Too bad we almost make it.
So sad Pinky always breaks it.
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.

I can stand your flat derision.
Rodent rule is my sole vision.
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.

Help me make the most of
Ambition without quandaries.
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.
Say that you'll never, never, never, never say "poit".
My friend's mind is not adroit.
Every mouse just wants to rule the world.
Track Name: One Smith Leads To Another
© 2003 Jeff Bohnhoff

The deception is fact, but this program just won’t go away.
He’s got a smug sneer which irritates
A renegade the Matrix can’t delete.
You see the Agent in flux
Lines of code in black and green.
But when the One takes a shot at a Smith in the street
Just run for cover - he’s a fleet you’ve got to

Do what you can to slay the machine
One Smith leads to another.
They talk on and on you listen too long.
One Smith leads to another.

The brown suit and the skinny tie
He has a unique fashion sense
But the long face and the longer drawl
The sound of inevitability.
If this is up then you’re up and you’re flying out of sight
Before Trinity falls.
But when the One takes a shot at a Smith in the street
Just run for cover - he’s a fleet you’ve got to

Do what you can to slay the machine
One Smith leads to another.
They talk on and on you listen too long.
One Smith leads to another.

It was easy to believe
What Morpheus was saying to you.
But when the right key goes in the wrong door
You think the Oracle was lying to you.
It’s getting green in the scene got to stop the machine
The more of him the harder he falls.
You took the wrong colored pill and awoke to your will
Just run for cover - he’s a fleet you’ve got to

Do what you can to slay the machine
One Smith leads to another.
They talk on and on you listen too long.
One Smith leads to another.
Track Name: The Night Kaga Brought The Lutefisk Down
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Morimoto's the name
And I've served urchin roe and brains.
‘Til Kaga's challengers came, and I was under the gun again.
It was the middle of season five,
They were hungry, would the theme be alive?
I caught the stench, and my spirits fell,
It's a smell I remember oh so well.

The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
Was the Chairman unhinging?
The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
And all the tasters were cringing!
They went Blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,
Blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Back at my stove Ohta asked me,
What would my strategy be?
Stir fry or fricassee, or maybe smoked with tea?
Now I don't mind chopping gruel,
And I don't care that the tasters are fools.
Just eat what you like and leave the rest,
But they should never have made me prepare this mess.

The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
Was the Chairman unhinging?
The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
And all the tasters were cringing!
They went Blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,
Blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Like Michiba before me, I will work with lamb.
Unlike the Issei before me, I took a rebel stand.
At just 18 I went to New York,
Mixing Yankee food with sushi and pork.
I swear by the board below Flay's feet -
You can't raise a chef back up when he's in defeat!

The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
Was the Chairman unhinging?
The night Kaga brought the lutefisk down.
And all the tasters were cringing!
They went Blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,
Blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
Track Name: Trills Just Want To Have Fun
© 1998 Jeff Bohnhoff

Dax comes home in the morning light.
Worf is waiting just to pick a big fight.
“Worf my dear, it’s not honor I shun.”
“Trills just want to have fun!”

He has his Klingon friends over at night.
Worf is worried will she treat them right?
She hides the blood wine and serves root beer and rum.
‘Cause Trills just want to have fun.

Trills, they want to have fun!
Trills just want to have fun!
When her shift in Ops is done
Trills just want to have fun.

Old Kurzon Dax would go to the stars
Just to hang out in some smoky bar.
Jadzia Dax wants to walk in the sun
Trills just want to have fun!
Trills they want to have fun!
Track Name: Sympathy For Mr. Morden
© 1999 Jeff Bohnhoff

Please allow me to introduce myself:
I can give you power and fame.
My associates have been around for a long, long year.
Brought many a world down in flames.
I was there when the Icarus fell
And Anna met her fate.
Made damn sure that the pilot
and the crew would cooperate.

Pleased to meet you.
Can you guess my name?
Well, it’s what you want that’s the nature of my game.

I stuck around Centauri Prime
when I saw it was time for a change.
Duped Cartegia and his ministers, saw G’Kar scream in pain.
I murdered Kosh for my associates.
Made battles rage for evolution’s sake.
When the White Star came with its fiery rain, and in Valen’s name, struck Z’hadum,
I felt the cold.
But flesh does what it’s told, ’cause, after all, flesh is just a tool.
So let me please introduce myself When I come to you in the night.
I’m not the man I used to be,
But I still have you in my sight.

Every Minbari is a self-righteous fool
and every Vorlon is a cheat.
As the Shadows fall just call me, Morden,
’cause my hold on you is complete.
So if you meet me have some courtesy, have some sympathy and some taste.
Despite your well-learned politesse,
I’ll lay your world to waste.

Pleased to meet you.
Can you guess my name?
Well, it’s what you want that’s the nature of my game.
Pleased to meet you.
Did you call my name?
It’s what you think you want that’s the nature of my game.
Track Name: Come To Mordor
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Here come old Ringwraith he come moving up slowly
He got Sauron eyeball he one unholy roller
He got robes down to his knee
Got to find a hobbit he got only one need.

He see no sunlight he got nine-ring lust and he was
King of Angmar now he just a shadow
He say "I smell you, you fear me"
One thing I can tell you is he'll never be free

Come to Mordor right now, with the Ring

He Bag-end hunter he got shriek of terror
He got empty sockets he one Nazgúl blackguard
He got knife down below his knee
Stab you with his dagger you will feel his disease

Come to Mordor right now, with the Ring

He chase Frodo with no early warning
Can't cross muddy water he just curse Isildur
He say "One and one and one (three rings)"
Got to be a Ringwraith cause he's so hard to see

Come to Mordor right now, with the Ring
Track Name: Filk In The Lobby
Lyric ©2001 Jeff Bohnhoff

We all came to the filk con
‘Neath the great Columbus skyline.
To make music ‘til the wee hours.
We didn’t have much time.
Tom Smith and all the mundanes
Were at the best place around.
But some woman with a tight bun
Said the music was too loud.

Filk in the lobby
Sing “Fire in the Sky”.
Filk in the lobby.

They shut down the concert hall,
Claimed it made an awful sound.
Stevie Mac was running all around
Pulling SMOFS off the ground.
When it all was over
We had to find another place.
But filk time was running out.
It seemed that we would lose the race.

Filk in the lobby
Sing “Fire in the Sky”.
Filk in the lobby.

We ended up in the main lobby.
Had to face some cold hard stares.
But Heather took a stand on the concert grand
Making her music there.
When the local cops tried to clear the place
We looked them in the eye.
We sang to the tune she played:
“How many of them can we make die?”

Filk in the lobby
Sing “Fire in the Sky”.
Filk in the lobby.
Track Name: Railway To Hogwarts
©2003 Jeff Bohnhoff

There’s a young man who lived
In a hole ‘neath the stairs
Now he’s riding the railway to Hogwarts.
When he gets there he hopes
When the sort is disclosed
The hat’s word will place him in Gryffindor.

Ooh, ooh, and he’s riding the railway to Hogwarts.
There’s a sign on the wall
But he wants to be sure
‘Cause you know if he’s wrong it’ll be a beaning.

There’s a tree on the grounds
Where no songbird dares sing
It’s no wonder the boy has misgivings.

Ooh, it makes him wonder.
Ooh, it makes him wonder.

And old Hagrid has pets
From which distance is best.
That is unless you like fire breathing.
In the woods there have been
Headless hunts through the trees
While poor old Sir Nicholas stands looking.

Ooh, it makes him wonder.
Ooh, it really makes him wonder.

And there are many who say
If his ghouls find a way
Then the Unnamed will lead us to treason.
Unless the boy with the stone
Comes into his own
And the hallways will echo with laughter.

If you should fail your potions final
Don’t be alarmed now.
It’s just some sour grapes from that snake Snape.
Yes Crabbe and Goyle are two morons
But in the long run.
Malfoy’s the one to keep close watch upon.

Ooh, it makes him wonder.
Ooh, it really makes him wonder.

The Snitch is humming as it flies by
Into the blue sky,
And Wood is calling you to join him.
Dear Harry can you feel your scar burn?
And have you learned
Your parents call you on the whispering wind?

As Neville searches for his toad.
Deatheaters stalk our very souls.
There walks a Wizard of great years -
The only one the Unnamed fears.
But your path is not yet clear.
And as you look into the mirror,
You will face what you hold dear,
And find the strength to lose it all
To hold the rock and not to fall.

And he’s riding the railway to Hogwarts.
Track Name: Byron
© 1998 Jeff Bohnhoff

Byron is dressed for a funeral again.
I can see the candlelight
Reflect in his eyes full of pain.
And I can see Lyta waving goodbye.
Gods it looks like Byron -
Must be the smoke in my eyes.

Byron my brother -
You are nobler than me,
But you’re a bit insane.
The stars could not heal your inner child.
Your followers went wild.
Byron you’re a smudge,
On the floor of Gray 5.

They say Lyta’s strange, but I’ve never been.
Byron says her mind is the best place he’s ever seen.
And he should know, he’s been there enough.
Poor tragic Byron, you really are too much.

Byron my brother -
You are nobler than me,
But you’re a bit insane.
The stars could not heal your inner child.
Your followers went wild.
Byron you’re a smudge,
On the floor of Gray 5.

Byron is dressed for a funeral again.
I can see the candlelight
Reflect in his eyes full of pain.
And I can see Lyta waving goodbye.
Gods it looks like Byron -
Must be the smoke in my eyes.
Track Name: Infomercials
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Watching infomercials, give that line a call.
Watching infomercials, stuff you won't find at the mall.
Got some hair remover, got some magic beans.
Seven years of payments, livin' way beyond your means.

When you order things on a payment plan,
Then you suffer.
Infomercials ain't the way.

Watching infomercials, curing wrinkled face and hands,
Solving non-existent problems, do all that you can.
Keep me in a daydream, sales pitch goin' strong.
You don't wanna save me. Sad is my song.

When you order things on a payment plan,
Then you suffer.
Infomercials ain't the way.

Watching infomercials, got lots more to tell.
Watching infomercials, Popeil has junk to sell.
Got some hair remover, got some magic beans.
Seven years of payments, livin' way beyond your means.

When you order things on a payment plan,
Then you suffer.
Infomercials ain't the way.
Track Name: Who's That Squirrel?
© 2003 by Maya Bohnhoff

The language of spies
Slips from my partner's tongue
Cooler than Moscow,
Well oiled as his gun.
I find him boring.
His spy talk leaves me snoring.
The language of spies
Has left me craving antlered guys.

But there's just one thing.
Just one thing,
But there's just one thing
I really want to know.

Who's that squirrel flying around with you?
Tell me, who's that squirrel flying around with you?
Tell me, who's that squirrel?

The language of moose--
I laugh till I can't breathe.
Each time you say
"There's nothing up my sleeve."
Your hair-brained notions
Have fired my emotions,
I love all the foolishness
Your antlered dome has spawned.

Who's that squirrel flying around with you?
Tell me, who's that squirrel flying around with you?
Tell me, who's that squirrel?
Track Name: Timelord Shuffle
© 1998 Jeff Bohnhoff

He wore a baggy suit and now he's a dandy.
His raccoon coat's now a blue velvet weskit.
He's a Timelord gone into regeneration
With the Tardis in flight
On a moonlit night.

He had a long wool scarf, now it's a cricket bat.
A long wool scarf and now it's a cricket bat.
So, if you've got a date with Tegan Jervanka, you'll end up with Sarah Jane.

Even old Doc One
is now a brand new man.
Why they changed him, I can't say.
The English just like it better that way.

So, take me back to my favorite Doctor.
No, you can't go back to your favorite Doctor.
He's a Timelord gone into regeneration.
Why did Colin Baker get the heave?
It's nobody's business but the Beeb.
Track Name: Six Feet Under
© 2002 Jeff Bohnhoff

Traveling in a fried out Humvee.
In Sunnydale met a bunch of zombies.
There was a strange lady; she made me nervous.
She slew them all then gave me breakfast.
And she said -

"Do you come from six feet under?
Where demons glow and imps plunder? I've got a stake so you'd best not blunder.
You better run, you better take cover."

Buying spells from a girl named Anya.
A vengeance demon gone California.
I said, "Do you have-a some magic?"
She just smiled and gave me a garlic sandwich.
And she said -

"I come from six feet under.
Where sulfur flows and demons blunder.
Can't you hear, hear the hell mouth thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

In a crypt with a lovesick vampire.
Peroxide hair and a sad desire.
I said to the man "Do you want the Slayer?
Because you know you haven't got a prayer."
And he said -

"I come from six feet under (oh yeah yeah)
Where sulfur flows and demons blunder
Can't you hear, hear the hell mouth thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."
Track Name: Pocket Man
© 1998 Jeff Bohnhoff

I did the last rewrite last night.
Got to bed - 5 AM
It’ll be on its way to Paramount by 10.
I wrote of Kirk and Spock - the Enterprise.
It’s journey out in space.
Another mindless flight.

And I think it’s going to be a long long time,
Before a paycheck reaches me to find
I’ve got tons of bills to pay at home.
Oh no no no,
I’m a Pocket man!

Pocket man -
Burning out his muse here all alone.

These ain’t the kind of books win Nebulas.
In fact, they’re bland as hell.
And there’s no room for character development.
And all this science I don’t understand.
It’s just my job five days a week.
A Pocket man, a Pocket man.

And I think it’s going to be a long long time,
Before a paycheck reaches me to find
I’ve got tons of bills to pay at home.
Oh no no no,
I’m a Pocket man!

Pocket man -
Burning out his muse here all alone.